I Want to Look Like Myself On My Wedding Day
So why do I feel like I'm doing "bridal" wrong?
I’m getting married next summer. It’s a good 12 months off but as I’ve come to learn, wedding planning is a beast all of its own and we’ve only managed to tick a few things off our to-do list. A year doesn’t feel long at all.
So I spend my free time reading articles about what we should be doing for our wedding. How much we should be spending (astronomical amounts, it seems). And why I should have two — or even three — dresses to wear at different parts of the day. My Pinterest home feed is filled with whimsical wedding images because, in my attempt to create a mood board and gather inspiration, those are the search terms I’ve fed it. My Instagram Explore page is primarily beautifully coiffed women in elaborate white dresses gazing adoringly into their new husbands’ or wives’ eyes.
I look up wedding hair and makeup and I’m presented with full glam and hairstyles that I wouldn’t ever wear in my “normal” life. I’m told to expect to spend hours in a chair on the morning of my wedding as a makeup artist applies product after product on my face.
There are a lot of days when I don’t wear any makeup at all and when I do, I reach for products from the likes of Merit or Jones Road that take 5 minutes to apply and are almost impossible to mess up. As for hair, I’m an air-dry girl through and through, letting nature do its thing and pulling it back into a bun when I edge closer to wash day. Forty-five minutes sounds like a long time to do makeup to me, never mind hours.
When I searched for dresses, I was served items that though beautiful and I’m sure skilfully made, look… awkward to wear. There was always a long train that would get filthy. Something form-fitting and backless that meant I’d have to spend the day shoved into some uncomfortable, odd-looking shapewear. Or there was a big bow, a puffy skirt, or a thigh-high split that in any other circumstance, I just would not wear. And the cost of these dresses that I don’t even really like that much? Don’t get me started.
This isn’t a bashing at the wedding industry or at brides-to-be who dream of dresses with a dose of drama, full makeup or hair that’s a mass of curls, twists, pins and hairspray.
It’s just that it isn’t me.
I have my dress already. I bought it online as part of a limited collection from a European designer I admire. It’s not actually a “wedding dress” which made it a fraction of the price and when it arrived and I tried it on, I loved it. I felt good, elegant, comfortable, and like me.
But then my thoughts went into overdrive and I started to sow the seed of doubt: I don’t look like the bride that every wedding image shows me I should. People will think I haven’t made enough effort for my own wedding. The caterers will mistake me for a guest because they won’t realise I’m the bride (!)
Obviously, I know these are all ridiculous things to think and thankfully I quickly stopped questioning my choice and I’m very much looking forward to wearing the dress. But when I’m served so many images that paint a different picture, it’s easy to fall into that “should” trap, even if it is far from what I like. I suppose that can be true for style in general. We absorb so many images and messaging that tell us what is “right”, “on trend” or “stylish”, that we forget to form an opinion that’s our own.
I’m trying to steer myself away from said images and articles that make me question my judgment. I’m going cold turkey with Pinterest.
Instead, I’m looking at the weddings that so obviously suited the couple and their style, like Abbi Jacobson and Jodi Balfour’s recent nuptials (they both wore The Row. Fabulous.) and
’s Basque wedding. These are the kind of weddings that are giving me the confidence to be the bride that I want to be.Now if anyone has any tips on the makeup front, let me know.
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Happy to help.
As someone that caved last minute to getting hair and make up done (despite my protestations) and wearing something I thought was cool rather than made me feel good (however I was 3 months pregnant at the time so literally nothing felt good), I can tell you…the wedding industrial complex is real and makes you feel like in order to have a good wedding it has to be big and over the top, or at least expensive and glamourous. It doesn’t! Feel good about yourself! Trust your gut! You aren't doing it wrong!